<center>Gather around, Oneiromancers, for on this day we bring to thee,
A story, straight from the mouth of Vindhlér!
The man of many names;
Watcher of Asgard;
Born of the seas;
The All-Seer;
Praise be to his name, and <b>[[listen]].</b></center><center> <h1>Kidnapping of Idunn</h1>
The tale begins like this:
A trio of gods are [[traveling]] through Jötunnheimr...<center>"This trip is a waste of time," Loki complained.
Loki had been doing a lot of complaining, Odin thought. Almost nothing but it, in fact.
Not that it had been unexpected. Around Odin, Loki's attempts at humor tended to either escalate or dissipate. Today, he'd apparently opted for the latter, and so instead of making jokes he instead was trying his best to make Hoenir cry.
Hoenir wasn't on the verge of tears quite yet. Instead, he tended to the ox over the fire, desperately attempting to ignore Loki's criticism.
As silence met his statement, Loki's face went sour and he changed tracks. "How long have you been cooking that thing?" he asked. "This is taking forever."
"Why, Liesmith," Odin intercepted. "I have recently heard you've gained an affinity for the flame. Why not use your abilities and stoke our fire?"
Loki's face grew taut, the way it always did when the Outyards incident was referenced. "Why, Raven Lord," Loki said. "This fire is far too cold. Perhaps a hint of magic would help this cook?"
"//Please//," Hoenir interrupted. "This //isn't cooking// and I //don't know why//."
Hoenir sounded on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Odin didn't know why he still willingly spoke with either of them.
"Aesir!" a voice called from above. "I believe //I// know why your fire does not cook! Because it is [[my doing]]!"Odin, Loki, and Hoenir looked up.
A great eagle was perched in the trees, looking down upon them. "Thiazi," the being introduced himself, preening. "I have stolen the heat of your flame! But I will let it to cook once more, if you allow me to partake!"
Hoenir glanced towards Odin immediately, worry crossing his face. Loki, meanwhile, quirked an eyebrow up and laughed at Thiazi.
"No," Loki said.
"Alright," Odin said.
Loki scowled and shot Odin an irritated glare. "You're just being contrarian," he muttered. "Quite childish of you."
Odin ignored him. "Feel free to partake. We are generous hosts, if nothing else."
Thiazi's beak curled in something like a smile, and with a great gust he raced down to the fire. Talons flashed, and he tore into the oxen.
"It still hasn't cooked yet," Loki said.
Thiazi ignored him. Blood flew (Odin leaned to the side, dodging a spray) as Thiazi's massive beak bore into the ox. He was certainly enjoying himself, Odin thought.
A moment later, Odin thought, wait, he's enjoying himself a little too much. But Odin knew he didn't have to act. //Three, two, one...//
Exactly on time, Loki jumped to his feet. "Enough!" he snarled.
Thiazi ignored him, continuing to eat.
"You rude little //drittsekk//!" Loki said. He grabbed hold of the staff that he always carried around with him (always) and struck at Thiazi.
Loki's staff slammed into Thiazi's wing, but when he moved to pull it back, he found the staff stuck fast to Thiazi's feathers. Thiazi shifted his avian gaze to Loki, and managed to look smug for a brief instant.
And then Thiazi took to the air, ascending above the trees in an instant. Loki, still hanging onto the staff, began to scream.
The screams grew distant as Loki was carried away.
"Whuh," Hoenir said, staring at the shrinking pinprick in the sky that was Thiazi. "Should we... help him?"
"[[No]]," Odin said.Wind whistled past his ears and his hair swung wildly as Thiazi took him up, up, up, higher in the air. His grip on his staff was white-knuckled. After a few moments, Loki managed to stop screaming.
"Let me down!" Loki demanded. "//Juksemaker//! Stop this at once, else I'll end your life!"
Thiazi glanced down at him. His wingbeats slowed, and the pair of them started to descend.
Loki smirked, already planning the murder he was about to commit. And then he nearly bit his tongue when his knees slammed into the top of a tree.
It jostled Loki, and he nearly lost his grip on his staff. His eyes widened as Thiazi turned and barreled towards another tree.
"Wait! Wait!" Loki cried. "Okay, okay! Let's come to a deal!"
"Just what I wanted to hear!" Thiazi called down to him. "I will let you down, Liesmith -- on one condition!"
"Anything!" Loki promised.
"Good! In three day's time, at the high point of noon, I want you to lure the goddess Idunn out of the walls of Asgard! Her, and her apples of youth!"
Loki frowned. Now, he thought, tapping into a rare streak of survival instinct, that seemed like a bad idea. It didn't really seem worth it. Not to mention--
Thiazi slammed him into another tree. His arms felt like they were going to be wrenched out of their sockets.
...Nevermind!
"Alright!" Loki conceded. "Fine! I will do this, I swear it."
Thiazi squaked down at him smugly, and slowly descended. He set Loki down on the ground and took off.
Grumbling, Loki returned to his two traveling [[companions]].Hoenir and Odin spoke quietly, but when Loki approached Odin turned towards him, his sole eye sparkling with mischief.
"My, my," Odin commented, "Loki Laufeyjarson, oh brother of mine, I'm under the instinct that you've just done something ill-advised."
"You wound me so, All-Father!" Loki said instantly. "I would never in my life do anything //antagonistic// to my brother's noble Aesir!"
Loki smirked. Odin matched him. "Of course not," Odin said. "How could I ever accuse you of such a deed?"
"Your words can be hurtful," Loki said. He turned his eyes to the sky and put a hand to his chin. "Perhaps you should be more thoughtful before you speak, Raven Lord?"
"I will endeavor to do so, Liesmith," Odin promised.
Hoenir stared at the fire and the remnants of the ox, studiously ignoring the conversation happening around him. It was usually safer to just step back when Odin and Loki got like this, he'd long since decided.
(The two of them bickered for another [[nine hours]].)"Why, hello there!" Loki said.
Idunn pulled back from the branches of her apple tree and looked down. Loki stood at the bottom of her ladder, smiling up at her innocently. Nothing but pure, genuine warmth was in his eyes.
He was obviously up to no good.
Idunn sighed, but when it came to Loki she figured it was usually better to just get it over with. She climbed down the ladder and set down her shears.
"Loki," she greeted. She smiled at him, genuinely, because despite everything she had to admit he was a little bit funny.
(Only a //little// bit, though.)
"I see you're collecting your famed apples," Loki said. He gestured towards her basket of apples, and smirked. "But as it happens, something caught my eye on my recent journey that reminded me of you!"
He went quiet, clearly waiting for her to show interest. She obliged. "What did you find?" she asked, tilting her head curiously.
Loki puffed out his chest. "I've found apples to rival your own! Come, let me show you! You'll be quite impressed!"
The apples were going to turn into snakes, Idunn predicted. Or something like that.
"You should bring your own as well," Loki suggested. "To compare them."
She squinted at him. He was obviously setting something up, she knew, but, well. Loki's pranks certainly crept into "annoying," but never anything dangerous. He was a man worthy of suspicion, she thought, but not hostility.
"Alright," she said. After all, [[how bad could it be?]]"Behold!" Loki declared, offering an apple towards Idunn.
Freshly past the gates of Asgard, Idunn set her basket of apples down and accepted Loki's. She looked at it with a critical eye, turning it around.
"Loki, this is just an apple," she said. She narrowed her eyes. "A mundane apple. Is this from //Midgard//?"
"You wound me, of course," Loki declared. "As I said, it's quite special!"
He took a step back and looked into the sky. Idunn noticed a moment later.
"What are-" she said, and then, in the blink of an eye, the great eagle Thiazi had swooped down and, in one talon, grabbed hold of Idunn, and in the other talon grabbed her basket of apples.
In less than a second, Thiazi was off, disappearing into the distance.
Loki put his hands on his hips and smirked. Job done!
...Although, now that he thought about it after the fact, something wriggled in his chest. An unexpected spike of anxiety. Did he...
...No, no. He was sure this was going to [[turn out fine]].<center>Without Idunn, however, the Aesir quickly faced a problem;
For without the divine apples she grew,
the Aesir all began to //age// once more.
Age beset them and they grew frail and weak.
And so the bulk of them gathered in Odin's hall,
for the All-Father himself had grown so grey that he could scarcely stand from his thone,
and they held a //thing//.
"Somehow,"
Odin said, for even as frail as he was, he still commanded the Aesir's respect, and thus spoke first,
"I feel as if this is Loki's fault."
[[Loki whistled innocently.]]<center><center>But the Aesir were in no mood for japes, today;
Thor, who had already been reminded of his own mortality in regards to age, was especially furious;
He seized Loki and dragged him up to the throne.
''"Where is Idunn?"'' Thor demanded to know.
''"What have you done, Loki?!"''
Loki laughed, nerves frayed, and said,
"Well,
she may have been kidnapped by a jötunn.
And I may have...
aided with this endeavor."
And Thor groaned with sheer disappointment.
"Perhaps," Odin said, "you should go rescue her?"
Loki smirked at Odin,
"I don't see why that responsibility should fall to me!"
Odin stared at him with his single eye and said,
"I've been looking into methods of torture recently,
Mimir has given me some great ideas,
perhaps you'd like to help test some out?"
And Loki said,
"Ah,
[[I'll see what I can do."]]<center><center>And so Loki borrowed Freyja's magical cloak,
and, taking the shape of a falcon,
he flew off, in search of Thiazi's home.
And Loki came upon [[Thrymheim]], the House of Power,
and so he flew down towards it.<center>A falcon flew in from the window.
Idunn stared as it landed in the middle of the sparse room she'd been stuck in. Realization hit her a moment before the falcon shuddered and morphed into the form of Loki. He grinned at her.
"Why, Idunn!" he said. "What are the chances of seeing you here?"
She kicked him. Loki hissed, his scarred lips twisting into a scowl, and danced back.
"Well thank you for the warm welcome!" he said.
"Thank //you// for helping me get //kidnapped//!" Idunn snapped. "I'm //fine//, by the way!"
"Ah," Loki said. He sucked in a breath and was silent for a long moment. Some emotion she couldn't place passed over his face and disappeared just as quick. "I do presume you haven't been mistreated...?"
Idunn scowled at him. "Thankfully not," she said. "He's mostly been trying to figure out how to grow apple trees like mine."
She made no attempt to hide her sheer displeasure towards Loki. He met her eyes and looked away. His lips twitched into a smirk and then flattened, like it was out of habit.
"Well, then," he said. "We simply cannot allow that. Where is the man we speak of, anyway?"
"Out to sea," Idunn said. "Fishing, I believe."
"Perfect!" Loki said, and any of his earlier... concern(?) faded away, replaced by his signature confidence. "I'll simply spirit you away! Although, well, I'll have to transform you into something smaller to carry you..."
He smiled at her, but Idunn wasn't in the mood to indulge him anymore. "Just [[get it over with]], then."
Loki's smile fell. He shrugged, and...<center>In the shape of a falcon, Loki took to flight, with the form of Idunn grasped in his talons;
He'd turned her into a nut.
And the two of them left Thrymheim behind;
And when Thiazi returned, saying,
"Okay so I know you don't want to tell me about the trees but I just went fishing and consider--"
And Thiazi stopped in his tracks when he saw the room, empty,
and he quickly deduced what had happened.
So Thiazi took the form of a great eagle once more,
and took off for [[Asgard]].<center>"Is there a reason we're doing this?" Freyr asked.
"Yes," Odin said. "Stop speaking."
Freyr blinked and held up his wrinkled hands defensively.
Odin stood on the walls of Asgard, holding himself up with his spear, Gungnir, an act that was causing his family a lot of worry. A few of the Aesir stood by him -- Thor, his son, standing tall and struggling to ignore the effects of aging; Freyr, the Vanir Prince, shifting his feet to manage the new aches in his legs; his father, Njord, the King of the Vanir, a steady man who hid his discontent well; and Bragi, the skald, Idunn's husband, who wrung his hands and murmured beneath his breath.
"He's certainly taking his time," Odin commented. His lone eye squinted. "Ah, there he is."
A speck appeared in the distance, and as it grew closer the Aesir realized it was a falcon, racing towards them.
"There!" Thor cried. "Loki returning, it must be!"
"Hopefully with my wife," Bragi said. He clenched his hands into fists. "Or else I'll end his life!"
"Woah now," Freyr murmured.
Thor, however, peered more intensely towards Loki.
Odin focused as well, in time to see a second speck appear and grow bigger rapdily. A massive eagle rocketed towards Loki's falcon shape. It was gaining ground quickly.
"It seems I was correct yet again," Odin muttered. Louder, he declared, "Alright, lads, gather up some sticks. [[Quickly now]]!"<center>The falcon that was Loki pounded his wings heavily, racing towards the walls of Asgard, and on the walls the Aesir gathered bustled up and down, constructing a large wooden pile.
With a crack of lightning provided by Thor, they lit the pile into a beacon of fire.
Loki squawked and slowed, swooping down towards the walls of Asgard and avoiding the fire.
But the massive eagle form of Thiazi was //swift// -- too swift to turn, too swift to stop -- and he flew straight into the fire.
Emerging from the pile of burning wood, Thiazi screeched as his feathers caught alight. With panicked swiftness, he reverted his form back to that of a jötunn.
Unfortunately for him, this did not disperse the fire.
Making his day even worse, the Aesir gathered on the walls promptly swarmed Thiazi and [[stabbed the fuck out of him]].<center><center>"It looks like fire was all you needed from the start,"
Odin commented.
Loki glared at him briefly as he returned to his normal shape,
and he returned Idunn to her original form.
Thus, the problem with Thiazi was solved!
the Aesir ate Idunn's divine apples once more, regaining their immortality,
and nine days later, the jötunn Skade marched up to the gates of Asgard,
demanding [[retribution]].<center>"Should I put a stop to this, All-Father?" Heimdall asked.
"'All-Father,'" Loki mocked quietly, just to be irritating. Heimdall glared at him.
Odin ignored their brief exchange and focused on one of the gates of Asgard, which was currently being chipped down by an axe. The hole in the gate was sizeable; through it, Odin could see a jötunn woman, wearing a helmet and chainmail, a bow and a quiver of arrows slung over her back.
"Actually," Odin said, "open the gate."
Heimdall shot him a curious look, but strode forward obediently and pulled open the gate to Asgard. The jötunn woman marched into Asgard, and Heimdall backed up quickly when she turned her gaze onto him. But then she spotted Odin, and with a white-knuckled grip on her axe, she went straight for him.
"King of the Aesir," she declared. "I am Skade. You killed my father."
"Your father," Loki said, "quite deserved to be killed, in all honesty."
Skade stepped towards him, and Loki took a step back, smirking all the while. Skade gritted her teeth.
"Farbauti's son," she said.
"Laufey's, actually," Loki said. "You've heard of me?"
"Exactly as cowardly as we thought you were," Skade said.
The two of them stared at each other. Loki bared his teeth and reached for a knife. Skade started forward, raising her axe high.
"Ahem," Odin coughed, stopping Skade in her tracks. Loki pulled his knife; Odin waved him off, and Loki scowled but stepped back. "I presume you were expecting more of a //holmgang// and less of the Liesmith inciting you to murder?"
Skade straightened her back. "Indeed," she said. "Duel me, 'All-Father.'"
"There's no need," Odin said. "We're quite sorry for that business with your father. We're willing to offer [[recompense]]."Skade blinked. "Oh," she said. "You are?"
"We are?" Loki said, sounding incredulous. Odin smirked at him.
"Of course," Odin said. "Please, let us discuss terms."
Skade opened her mouth and hesitated. "You've buried him?" she asked.
"In a manner of speaking," Loki said, at the same time as Odin said "Yes."
The two of them glanced at each other. Skade narrowed her eyes.
"Using the Aesir customs of burial," Loki amended.
(They'd actually just dumped his body out back, but thankfully Heimdall, who had been listening in, had quietly snuck off to construct something.)
"Ah," Skade said. "Good, then. In that case, I have... conditions. [[Three of them]]."<center>The first condition was easily achieved;
Odin led Skade to the site of her father's "burial",
(And if the grave seemed freshly dug, well, none of the Aesir were going to point it out);
And Odin reached into the ground and plucked Thiazi's eyes from his body,
("Um," Loki said),
and Odin put Thiazi's eyes into the sky, making two stars of them, and said,
"Your father has been honored."
("He doesn't really deserve it," Loki muttered);
And Skade was pleased with the [[first condition]].<center><center>The second condition was a harder one to fulfill,
because Skade demanded that the Aesir make her laugh.
And so the responsibility fell to Loki,
who had technically started this whole mess.
To his credit, Loki met the task wholeheartedly;
He took a goat and a rope,
and tied one end of the rope to the goat,
and the other end to...
...one of his more delicate areas...
...and Loki and the goat proceeded to play tug-of-war.
All that you can say about Loki, at least he has commitment,
and the [[second condition]] was certainly fulfilled.<center><center>The third and final condition was...
...the point it became really obvious that Skade was making these up as she went along,
so Odin suggested, "For your third condition, you will be allowed to marry one of the Aesir."
And Skade thought of Baldur and said, "Oh! Yes, that seems satisfactory."
But Odin quickly added, "However, you can only choose your husband by looking at their feet. Nothing else!"
And Skade said, "Oh, uh. Alright!"
So the unmarried men of the Aesir all disguised themselves and gathered up,
and Skade examined all of their feet, and, finding a pair she considered handsome, she chose their owner,
who happened to be Njord, King of the Vanir!
And Skade said, "Eh, good enough."
And thus the [[third condition]] was fulfilled.<center><center>And with that,
the matter was truly settled!
Skade truly became one of the Aesir,
she inherited ownership of Thrymheim, formerly Thiazi's domain;
Idunn was returned,
she went back to her job tending to the divine apples,
and she never played along with another of Loki's schemes again.<center>